So, Blog, guess what? I have a bizarre family. This is for real. And for some reason I am ok with this today. I just found out that my sister received $100,000 or so, could be more, from my deceased father. My brother and I received none. Zippo. Zero. Zilch. Nada. As in, not enough to buy a gumball.
This should bother me, no? BTW, my sister has a shitload more moola than me and mine (hubby + 4 kiddos). Yeah, she earned it all by putting work ahead of a whole shitload of other things, like a nice marriage. Wow. But I do not even really want that money. And I am so proud of myself for that.
Here is another secret: my father died by suicide about 1 year ago. My mother already brought a new male companion to my brother's kids' baptisms this weekend. And that didn't even really bother me.
I sit here and shake my head and hope I don't wake up tommorrow feeling like someone just kicked me and told me that I am a piece of shit. That's how my dad would make me feel: often. Weird. He wasn't even here today, at the family event, and shots still got taken at me and my little bro, poor guy (my silly little brother who also happens to be a great oncologist).
But the strange thing is, is that I truly do not want that money. And I do not even really hold that against my dad. Not now, that I think he gets it all, that he was a TOTAL monster at times, with a little ASSHOLE thrown in. Yeah, he could really throw us kids for one shit of a ride.
So I fear feeling like that little verbally abused girl again once it sinks in that my mean-ass sister is worth 100+ g's to my dad and me and my silly little bro are not worth a couple of gumballs. To him. When my dad was here, on earth, in his fully human mean-ass way. Now maybe he kinda gets more of the big picture. And I have found that I really do not care about money that much. Yes, my family, thank God, has what we need. For now, today. Can't say that about the future. But, whatevs. I am ok with that, right here, right now. (Yes, there is a song kinda going through my head as I type that, "right here, right now" but I do not know the other words.)
Thanksgiving weekend, and I guess I found out that I am thankful that I have enough that I do not really care that I missed out on some serious moola. Now, catch me on another day, and we shall see. Yes, we shall see.