Monday, February 6, 2012
My Brain is Trying to Kill Me
I have ten minutes until the kiddos come home. Not enough time to get into anything productive. So ten minutes to play. But I don't feel like playing. I feel like dying. I don't know why this hits me so often. Just tired, freakin' so tired I could cry. I push through it often. But not in the morning. I take a "nap" after my kids go to school. I know, I am a loser. So I should not be this tired, tired, tired. Being tired makes everything suck, and everything suck really bad. What am I doing, what should I be doing, why is this piece of mail still on the counter, what can I sort of make for dinner that won't be too awful, why is my stomach so blahhhhhhh, why am I so lazy, when will the weather change, why do so many people not like me..... And it goes on and on. Now I hear the kiddos. Now they will barrage me with the highlights and lowlights of their day, and will badger me for snacks, and then more snacks. And they will complain about the other kid getting more snack than they are getting. And the hours will turn into dinner time, when there will be more food issues. Sometimes to break up the blah, I bake, and eat a shitload of dough before I bake it. It works, sort of, for an hour or so. Sometimes a baked treat on my counter actually makes me feel better for the rest of the night. Then I can wake up and do this all over, but sometimes with a very different attitude. I don't know why sometimes my brain works nicely, and sometimes it feels like my brain is trying to kill me.