Friday, October 19, 2012

Where Am I Now?

Confused is where I am.  Everyone has a bag.  That is what I have told my kids when we are talking about how some people are good at some things and some people are not good at some things.  That is a translation.  Other words such as , "slow," "mean," lazy," etc.  were used.  I KNOW, mean, right?  But not outwardly.  My girls don't want to wear "dainty" clothes.  Dainty is my boys word for, I guess, fashionable clothes.  My boys are not THE athletes of the grade.  We all pick quiet people to be friends with.  Not the tier 1 social groups.  Many things about my family sends the message that we are humble, sweet people.  But listen in on dinner and you will see that we are kinda, well, I guess, meanies.  I do try to correct this confidence AKA arrogance of my brood.  I say that everyone has a bag with some tricks in it.  Some people were not given the run-fast trick.  Some were not given the math-clicks trick.  Some were not given the relatively-attractive trick.  My kids were given those.  Husband and I are blessed and lucky that God gave us kids with some pretty marketable tricks.  Now, before you get the wrong impression, we are not snobs.  When we pick, we always pick on the tier 1 social group who thinks they have all the tricks AND THEY DON'T.  I don't have too much of a problem with this kind of picking.  You know, Football Star can't write a paper like First Born can.  What we struggle with is when we also sometimes pick on the kids that are not tier 1, and seem to have real potential, but seem to be such JERKS that they don't reach that potential.  This is the group I strive to understand and have my kids understand.  At least a little bit.   Even though kids are supposed to do so many of the same tricks in this American world, some just don't fit.  Their bags have tricks that are not tested at school or out on the playground.  Their bags may have some tricks that make them remarkably creative and so on, but not in a write-it-down-grammatically-correctly way.  Those kinds of disconnects.  Let's hope that the world finds a place for these kiddos so that they feel valued.  Reader, if any are here, please forgive our nonconstructive criticism.  We keep it amongst ourselves and we try to sort it out.  Gosh, I am lost here.  Bags.  Everyone has one.  Everyone has some tricks.  In school and in life, it is difficult to see some other kids' tricks, especially when it seems that the kid doesn't even want to work on that trick or uses his trick to seem cooler than the other kid.

If I lost you at the "tier" discussion, it is my new way of talking cliques.  Looking at First Born's Facebook stuff, the tiers become quite clear.  Tier 1 has the football basketball stars with pretty pretty dates.  Limousine rides to the dance.   Cool, sexy clothes.  Way too sexy for 14 or 15 year old girls.  Tier 2, similar story, but not quite.  More braces, a few more zits, more moms involved in the pictures.  First Born is no where to be found at this dance.  Didn't go, didn't want to go, and is proud to not be a part of these antics.  His tier is not numbered because no one really notices it.  Just a bunch of kids who get outstanding grades, play sports but are not the stars, play in the band, will be one of the last tiers to try all that teen stuff.  Thank God!  Unless they are fooling ALL of us.  : /

So what's the deal with this post, anyway?  What the point?  My point is that I don't know what is in my bag.  And maybe part of why I don't know what is in my bag is because my tier has fallen apart.  My tier from high school is living all over the country, doing many different things.  We don't get together at homecoming and strengthen each other with our memories and lasting love for Breakfast Club and each other.  (I am soooo doing another post about watching Breakfast Club with First Born.  It was a blast!)  My tier from college was, frankly, never that strong.  I had a tier, but it was small.  These peeps are all over, doing very different things.  We can't all get together and chat about our trick that binds us, like I imagine teachers and nurses can.  I have no clue where all the peeps from my first-real-job tier are, and I could care less.  That whole mess of a first job paid my bills and saved me from having to live at home after graduation, but that's all, folks.  Computer programming, NOT in my bag.  Don't know why anyone paid me good money to do that.   After that, no real tiers have formed.  I don't know exactly why.  Many reasons.  Partly, we moved a bit.  Partly, I would not leave my kids home with sitters, so no socializing really happened until, maybe last year because First Born can now watch himself and his siblings.  I think Husband and I have a hard time trying to figure out which tier we enjoy.  We tend to enjoy the introverts, and that tier doesn't form that easily.  So I get lost without that group of besties reinforcing who I am. 

NOW, we have gotten to the reason for the post!!!! Who I AM!  I can't figure it out.  Many of my tricks are rusty, and let's face it, lost.  I know that I am using the mothering trick.  That is working out pretty well.  But now my brood goes to school, leaving some hours to work on other tricks.  Cleaning-the-house trick needs to be done, but really is not that inspiring.  I have considered seeing where my gardening trick can lead me.  Not sure.  Cooking trick, meh.  It's ok sometimes, and other times, I really really wish my family would stop demanding food three plus times a day.  Then I get stumped.  I think there are other tricks in my bag, but I am unsure of those.  I am also unsure of how much I should try to use those tricks right now.  So my days are mish mashes of a little trick here and there and the mothering trick.  I won't compromise the mothering trick for anything else right now, and I am lucky that Husband and kiddos want the same.  But that still leaves me wondering, as I peruse Facebook and the like, why don't I seem to have a really BIG trick and really CONSTANT tier to brag about on Facebook?  Yes, I am letting some snide sneak in here.  Facebook can kiss my ass because it really is a bunch of BS, but still, I need a big trick and a constant, nice tier.